ADOPTION

Adopted adolescents may experience issues stemming from early life experiences, including loss, trauma, and frequent transitions through orphanages and foster homes. They may face challenges such as, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviors. Research indicates that adopted children are at higher risk of encountering childhood adversity, trauma, and attachment difficulties. During their teenage years, they may grapple with feelings of abandonment by their birth mother and seek meaning, belonging, and validation. Additionally, they may fear causing emotional distress or feelings of threat in their parents due to their emotions toward their birth parents.

Every adoptee is unique, and their adoption circumstances vary. But they do face some common issues. Here are some of the experiences that young people who are adopted often grapple with:

• Ambiguous loss, the loss of something or someone without emotional closure. This can relate to biological parents who are still “out there” but no longer connected to the adoptee. Or it can also relate to siblings or half-siblings they have been separated from.
• Disenfranchised grief can follow ambiguous loss. It refers to grief that is not publicly acknowledged or socially acceptable. For example, it may seem strange to express grief over the loss of an unreliable or absent biological parent. This hidden grief can cause emotional issues and distress.
• Adverse childhood experiences (ACES) include trauma, abuse, neglect, violence, and other major stressors, like witnessing violence, parental conflict, and exposure to substance use. Some children exposed to alcohol or substances while in utero may deal with adverse effects on their health and development.
• Attachment disorders: Adoptees with unreliable caregivers, especially in their early childhood years, may develop attachment disorders that can hinder their ability to form healthy connections.
• Mental health conditions. Adoptees may deal with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental health conditions connected to their childhood experiences, grief and loss, or identity formation and personal development. Research finds that adoptees also have higher rates of ADHD and personality disorders than non-adoptees.

One of the psychological effects of being adopted is identity uncertainty. Adoptees are trying to understand who they are in relation to their biological parents and their adoptive parents. They want to know what their genetics, upbringing, and experiences mean in connection to their identity and sense of self.

Difficulty establishing this identity, especially if cultural and ethnic differences are woven in, can cause psychological distress for an adoptee. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), international adoptees can be more vulnerable to mental health issues due to cultural displacement. And transracial adoptees—children adopted by parents of a different race than their own—may feel a disconnection to their racial identity.

But many adoptees’ perspective on adoption generally changes over time, along with its relevance to their personal identity. In young adulthood, as adoptees become more independent and confident as individuals, they’re better able to handle the sometimes confusing emotions that can come with being adopted.

If you’re an adoptee, discussing your feelings and mental health with your adoptive parents may seem scary. Some young people may worry that their adoptive parents will interpret their emotions as rejection. If an adoptee is curious about or wants to meet their biological parents, they may be afraid of sending their adoptive parents the message that they (the parents) are not enough. Thus, some adoptees may hesitate to discuss uncomfortable or conflicting feelings with their parent.

However, if you have supportive adoptive parents, remember that they are focused on your well-being and want you to be honest with them so they can help. If you feel more comfortable with a neutral party present, you can talk with a professional first and then bring your parents into the conversation. Learning to communicate in healthy ways is a powerful part of your formation as a person, and expressing your feelings can lead to healing and better connections.

Learning how to cope is an important task for every person because life can be full of challenges. As an adoptee, you may be dealing with grief, mental health conditions, relational issues, and uncertainty about your identity. But you can build resilience and discover healthy ways of coping that can enhance your feelings of hope, freedom, and personal fulfillment.

Leaning on supportive, trustworthy people in your life is key, whether that’s your adoptive family, your friends, or your chosen family. You might want to explore online or local support groups for adopted people—you can find groups for young adult adoptees, adopted people of color, etc.

If you’re dealing with severe mental health issues, problems with substance use, or thoughts of suicide, reach out to a treatment professional right away. A licensed counselor or therapist can help you process what you’ve been through, increase your self-awareness and self-compassion, and build tools for a thriving life.

If you feel isolated or confused right now, know that, with support, life will get easier. You can rediscover your confidence, make positive connections, and learn techniques for managing tough emotions.